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Monthly Archives: September 2012

Oh, Yes I Did!

I saw the special offer on Facebook. And there was a limited time window, of course. I decided then and there that I was worth it! I would buy this necklace from Lisa Leonard Designs {lisaleonardonline.com} for myself as a gift. I don’t do this very often. In fact, hardly at all. So, I justified it. Ordered it from my iPhone in the privacy of my master bedroom while my hubby and the kids were in the TV room. Within minutes the deed was done.

The confirmation email made me smile. Then came the “we’re processing your order” email, which excited me. Days later, I got the “your order has been shipped” notice and I was down right giddy!

As I pulled into the driveway this afternoon I saw the package peeking out from the mailbox. I decided I’d make it truly a gift. I left it in the mail pile for my husband. (Anticipation is so much fun!)

When he got home, exhausted and dragging through the door, he spotted the bubble mailer.

“What’s this?”

“Hand it to me.”

He did, I opened it and cheered, “Oh, thank you! Thank you! I love it!”

“When did I do this?”

“Last week when the kids and I were sick. Thanks, honey, I love you!”

And that was it.

I smell a tradition.

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Posted by on September 13, 2012 in Bad Mama

 

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Advice Substantiated

My seven-year-old argued with me and absolutely refused to put on clean underwear one morning recently. It baffled me. I could not understand why in the world she was unwilling to remove her panties and change into a nice, new clean pair. Especially since she was in the act of changing from her pajamas anyway. No argument would make her budge. Not the “it’s just what we do” stance or the more frightening, “but if you don’t you may get sick and need a SHOT!” tactic. She stood firm.

Many minutes, precious morning routine minutes, passed during this debate.

I forget now what made her cave, but she eventually did. (Thank goodness.)

Yesterday I got the reinforcement I had prayed for, but in the strangest of places.

She was enjoying one of her favorite treats, a bottle of Sweet Leaf honey-mint green tea. The underside of the lid always offers a ‘Grannyism’. Yesterday’s was perfect! My girl turned stone-faced as she read it aloud.

Mom wins!

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Posted by on September 9, 2012 in Kids Do

 

Mother Bird

Today, my little ones need me.

I know
one day
they will not.

I do my best, while they’re in my nest…

And hope
it’s not
forgot.

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Posted by on September 6, 2012 in Worth a Thousand Words

 

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Mind Games

{Another of my Esquire magazine 79-word fiction-contest rejects. Fans of 50 Shades of Grey will get the humor.}

————-

Laura had never been shy. Not much had ever scared her, really, either. But here in this room she was petrified. What was he planning to do with these implements? The giant tube of lubricant frightened her. The metallic smell was sickening. What was on the wall… an abstract of a vagina? She stood there completely naked, as instructed. Waiting. The waiting was horrendous. The door creaked open.

“Miss Schneider? I’m Dr. James. What brings you in today?”

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2012 in Just Because

 

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iPhone Dependency Issues

I love my iPhone.

Hands down, I find it’s the best mobile phone I have ever owned. Ever. It’s intuitive, smart, fun and takes great pictures I can upload IMMEDIATELY onto Facebook. I can even post to this blog directly from the WordPress app on my iPhone. It simplifies my life in many wonderful ways.

One of my favorite features is the Google Calendar interface. One calendar, multiple devices and multiple reminders. It keeps me on track. I have become 100% dependent on these alerts to get us out the door in the morning and get me where I need to be throughout the week.

Most of the time, it works beautifully. The kids even listen for the tell-tale sounds and say to me, “Mom! It’s time to go!”

There’s just one key: the volume on the device must be ON. (Or the device must be ON me, so I can feel it vibrate!) Here’s how I learned this valuable lesson.

Thursday night at a parent meeting I did the Socially Correct thing and muted my phone. The meeting went well. But I forgot to turn the sound back on after the meeting adjourned. “Whoops” is an understatement. Not having my phone ring all morning, would’ve been a clue. But alas, I went through most of the next day completely unaware that people were trying to reach me.

After dropping the kids at their classrooms, I got into a conversation with another mom, chatted with the principal about upcoming school functions and got caught up on a little work in the school library. I picked my boy up after his half-day was done and we surprised my girl by staying on campus to have lunch with her. Upon returning home, both he and I settled down for a little afternoon nap. I set my iPhone out on the counter, so I’d hear it… and I dozed off…

Suddenly I sat bolt upright! Shaking my head to clear my vision, I focused on the kitchen clock. 3:44?! How could this be? 3:44?!  **PANIC** My girl was dismissed at 2:50! **PANIC** I woke the boy, called the school, started the car and drove all at the same time – in one adrenaline-pumped fluid motion. **PANIC** I wasn’t crying, but I felt like it. How could I have missed dismissal? Where was my Google Calendar alert? Where was the choo-choo sounding ring tone I’d selected for these IMPORTANT alerts?! **STOP** That’s when I realized the phone was on mute. The list of missed calls and alerts covered the entire screen!

The self-loathing began right away. I thought, “I am a terrible mom. I have abandoned my first-born child at school on a Friday afternoon. I am an HOUR late!”  And you wanna know the worst part? I wasn’t in a meeting or on a business call or even ill. I was napping. Napping. Taking a nap.

Oh the shame.

Needless to say, I apologized profusely. My girl wouldn’t make eye contact with me initially. I felt like a heel. Yes, she was in good hands. Yes, they were following procedure and were moments away from the THIRD call attempt which would’ve been to her father. Can you imagine the HORROR that call would have generated?

Oh my. I think I need to go lay down.

Where’s my iPhone?

Is it on?

 
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Posted by on September 2, 2012 in Bad Mama

 

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