Category Archives: Just Because

One of my most cherished memories of Christmases past is savoring sweets at Granny’s house. She was famous for her beautiful holiday spice cakes, with pristine white frosting with perfect pecan halves and delicately cut and placed maraschino cherries in red and green to resemble Christmas flowers. I don’t recall liking the spice cake itself; it was too, well, spicy for a kid’s palate. But she also made awesome cookies. She made three kinds of cookies at Christmas: decorated sugar cutouts, black walnut cookies, and these… my personal favorite. I have her recipe. It is a perfect from-scratch recipe. But I tried this hack one year and never looked back. 

Hope you will try it and it’ll make you and your family smile Year after year. Granny would like that. 

Today is May 30, 2016—99 years to the day after this postcard was presented. That Memorial Day, we were in the throes of yet another war, The Great War, what we now know as World War I (1914-1918). Imagine the people of our nation setting aside a day to remember those who had given their lives in previous wars while being worried sick about their loved ones overseas fighting what seemed a more horrific war… not being able to get news as quickly as we do today, not knowing the war would carry on another full year and a half. This war was a major turning point in history. Men coming back from this war experienced a change in class division. Shattered were the societal rankings of First, Second, and Third Class. An era had abruptly come to a halt because of the war. This war also saw the advent of taking the battle into the air, an additional battlefront, and the use of chemical warfare.

Yet still, in 1917, Memorial Day was a must. There were, at the time, many living veterans from the American Civil War and the war in the Philippines. Combined, those two conflicts saw a loss of over 2% of the entire U.S. population with roughly 630,000 men dying from wounds and disease, all while fighting for their homeland.

Decoration Day was the name given the first memorials for fallen soldiers, both in the north and the south after the Civil War. There is some dispute as to who truly started the ritual, but the fact remains that just three years later, similar activities, started mostly (and indisputably) by ladies and ladies’ organizations like the United Daughters of the Confederacy, were taking place all over the country. On May 5, 1868, a proclamation was called for “Decoration Day” to be observed annually and nationwide. Weeks later, on May 30 of the same year, it was observed for the first time by all on the same day. The story goes the date was chosen because it was not the anniversary of any particular battle. It’s also said May 30 was selected because it was the optimal date for flowers to be in bloom.

Notice nowhere did it say Decoration Day meant going to the beach or having a cookout or party. It was a day to decorate the graves of those who died defending our homeland (be it the American colonies seeking freedom, the American Southland seeking freedom, or the American soldiers in any conflict seeking to preserve the union of states and/or its united freedom.) I have a theory as to why this changed. Why we now feel more comfortable treating this day as a day off from school or work… a day for sales at retailers and a day for crowding local beaches and parks. My theory is simple. We are now too UNCOMFORTABLE talking about death.

Do you agree? Back in the Victorian Era and beyond, death was treated with reverence and a level of intimacy that we simply cannot fathom. People typically died at home and the dead were cared for by loved ones, mourned, and buried locally. The woman of the house bathed and dressed the deceased herself and laid them out in the parlor for the mourning period. Loved ones sat up with the dead for a set period of time in case they “awoke” (hence the term “wake”) just before the funeral. This made sense because of the very real fear of being buried alive (they still had no understanding of consciousness or comas). Everyone in the house would don black mourning attire, the mirrors would be shrouded with black material, clocks stopped at the time of death, wreaths hung on the doors, shutters shut, food served was minimal and bland. There were rituals to follow and people adhered to them. Mourners wore black clothing for extended periods of time out of RESPECT for the deceased and to show the outside world they were hurting. Can you imagine? How many people are there at any given moment at your local grocery store who would appreciate you knowing they were sad? Think you might treat them a little more gently? My guess is plenty and yes, of course.

Back then people embraced death as the natural part of life that it is. They openly prepared for it and respectfully demonstrated their feelings. Interestingly, on the other hand, they NEVER talked about sex. Today, we openly talk about sex, show our belly buttons to strangers, and have no concept of death. I venture to guess very few of us have ever seen a dead body (not that we want to). Being so separated from this natural progression of life has caused us more harm than good. Death is now kind of a mystery… Your friend is here one minute and gone the next. Yes, some still have open caskets and visitations for closure. But there’s no intimacy. No coming to terms with the passing. We quickly move through it, and then pretend it doesn’t bother us. We go right back to work. We jump right back into normal everyday life and try to keep it all together and you can’t. It doesn’t work that way. The Victorians knew this better than most.

The American Civil War ushered in a new problem. So many families lost loved ones away from home… with thousands not even able to be identified, so loved ones could be notified by letter. Imagine. Your son, your brother, your husband, neighbor or friend goes off to battle and is never heard from again. How do you properly mourn him? There’s no closure. And for a culture steeped in religious principles, that was even more painful. These men did not die a “good death”, at home surrounded by loved ones, able to make a dying wish or final statement. They were unable to be blessed by the clergy before being placed into the earth for a final rest before judgment day. This wracked the hearts and minds of many during the American Civil War. It is said that at one period in late 1864, there were an estimated 80,000 women in black in the state of Alabama alone. So much mourning. We can’t wrap our modern heads around that.

So, while we are planning our picnics and slathering on sunscreen for a day on the boat, we need to take a moment to consider the true meaning behind the moniker. It’s Memorial Day. A day to remember those who gave their lives so that we could live the way we do—FREE to take a six pack of Coke to the party. The further we get from a war where there was great loss of life, the softer we get. Just in our era, we had an outpouring of patriotism following the attacks on September 11, 2001. But where is that sentiment today, just 15 years later? We’re getting soft again.

Please, be sure at some point on this day to stop and really take in the day’s meaning. Share it with your spouse and your children. Make sure you at least take a minute to give thanks and honor those who made the ultimate sacrifice. Remember the saying, “All gave some, some gave all.”

That is truly something to think about, at least one day a year.

Want to feel inspired?

Want to understand WHY we feel inspired?

Watch as Simon explains it.

See that book up there? Number 66? The Adventures of Abigail Rose – Ida Patten’s Antebellum Doll. That’s mine! I wrote that. I conceived the idea, came up with the characters, the plot, the story line… I wrote it, then I sat on it for months. I knew I wanted it published, but guess what?

I was scared.

Scared of what? The unknown. I had no idea how to get a book published. Despite the fact that there are millions of articles on the internet about it. Even though there are books published on publishing books (yes, that is as funny as it sounds). There I sat, completely stymied. Frozen in fear.

I thought the best way was to ask local businesses and like-minded people to donate money to cover the cost of printing. But whom should I ask? And how? I HATE ASKING FOR MONEY. Hate it. I suck at the asking for money part of anything, if it’s for my own benefit. I can raise money for a cause or for a friend like a champ, but uh-huh when it comes to me, myself & I. Nope.

So, the project sat.

Then it dawned on me that this book NEEDED to be in print by the Spring Open House event at the property where the story takes place. Why? Because the restoration efforts for the historic home, for which the book proceeds were intended, was about to be underway and this was a great vehicle to draw attention to the cause. Aha! There’s that word. CAUSE. Suddenly, I had the motivation I needed.

So, I jumped onto GoFundMe and created a campaign to help raise awareness and the necessary funds to green-light the project. Guy Kawasaki and Shawn Welch wrote a  book called APE: Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur–How to Publish a Book. What a Godsend. The book literally covers every aspect of self-publishing, in terms that made sense and quelled the flames of fear. In the book, there was even a way to estimate how much money an author would need to raise to cover the cost of editors, proof-readers, printers, etc.

So… I asked. And PEOPLE ANSWERED. I was joyfully astounded by the outpouring of support. Friends from Facebook, strangers from Facebook, and family (who also happen to be on Facebook) generously donated to the project. Suddenly, the pieces were falling into place.

But there was still that little problem of the unknown. The how to get it done bit. A couple of trusted individuals (as well as Mr. Kawasaki) had recommended CreateSpace, a self-publishing arm of Amazon, so I timidly visited the site. It was completely overwhelming. The website had TOO MANY WORDS on it. The process seemed convoluted and scary. But, after consulting a local printer and discovering the up-front costs of going that route, I was determined to make CreateSpace work.

And it did. Obviously. Turns out, it was easier than I thought. Within a few weeks, I had tweaked my manuscript, found and verified the images I wanted to utilize, created the cover and back cover, added some fun bonus material, and had three editors comb the pre-press galley proof for dumb mistakes (somehow three mistakes still made their way into the finished product… more on that later). I was ready.

Deep breath.

GO.

When the box arrived with the finished books inside, I nearly fainted. There they were. Multiple copies of MY book staring back at me once the cardboard flaps were parted.

What a remarkable sensation. To say it was surreal sounds trite, but it kinda was surreal. Here I had this project simmering on the back burner for nearly TWO YEARS and now, here she was, looking up at me from a box of 50. For someone like me, who revels in the creation phase and has more unfinished than finished in her repertoire, this was quite an achievement. And on time, too. (Those who know me, expect me to be 15 minutes late, always.)

So, now for the truly hard part. Selling it.

Did I mention I don’t like asking for money when I am the beneficiary? Luckily, I am not the sole beneficiary this time. The majority of the proceeds will go to the restoration of the Patten House—home of the heroine of the story—a lovely Victorian home on the Gamble Mansion property, a short distance from the Manatee River, in beautiful Ellenton, Florida.

My husband insisted that a little bit of the money help us with our own bills. I never realized how much an author pays in TAXES on a book she writes. We pay sales tax on the book when it’s printed and income tax on the book when it’s sold. (I just keep learning new things.) So, yes, I am keeping a small portion. To try and not feel guilty about it, I’m channeling Shark Tank’s Robert Herjavec who stated so eloquently in an interview, “Success is becoming a dirty word. I make no apologies for my money.” (Watch the interview here.) I’m nowhere near needing Herjavec’s level of denial, but it struck me when I heard him say that. I crave to be that at ease with success.

WHAT I’VE LEARNED:

1. I see now that it is absolutely true that everyone has a book in them and it is an irreplaceable feeling of accomplishment. I think we all need more of that feeling. Scratching an item off your To Do list is invigorating. If writing a book is on your Bucket List, can you imagine how it will feel to scratch that one off?
2. No one gets rich by simply being an author. If that’s why you want to write a book, don’t waste your time.
3. Knowing when to quit editing/adding is the most difficult part. Somehow you have to get to a point where you feel comfortable walking away and calling it DONE.
4. Being OKAY with finding mistakes AFTER the damned thing is printed is sometimes impossible. Especially weird mistakes that SHOULD have been caught by YOU. Ugh.
5. Self-publishing is AMAZING. I can now help anyone get a book published. No matter how small, how silly, how imperfectly written… If you want to publish something, contact me.
6. People will surprise you. There will be some that you totally expect to support your project that won’t and some that you never imagined would that do. Life is certainly like a box of chocolates.

It’s so fun to see a blurb about the book on the internet!

The interview with Dona Lee of Village Voices for her Culture Coast radio show aired on Thursday and will run again Friday night (2–26–16) at 11:00EST.

So exciting.

Tune in…

Radio Ear Network — In Our Communities – There are No Boundaries – No Hidden Agendas – Just Voices for a Better Life

Source: This Week’s Topics and Guests – The Radio Ear Network Project

If you haven’t already seen/read this great post floating around on Facebook or elsewhere, take a moment now to read this witty, level-headed mom’s address to her sons’ female friends. Brilliant.